Calling All Bambers, 24/11/03
Don't forget the Boathouse Quiz and Lunch this coming Sunday 30th. Teams of 4 can still be entered via email (socialsecretary@bblrc.co.uk). It all kicks off at about 12:00.
BBLRC Ball Update, 18/11/03
Full BBLRC Xmas Ball details can now be found here. For those who want to Bling Bling a little you could try The Bling King and for those that don't have a clue then the Urban Dictionary is a good place to start. It's phat!
More BIRC 2003, 18/11/03
Relive Steve's bowel-loosening terror. Share Mike's lung-exploding pain. It ain't pretty and I'm not sure it's terribly effective either!
RWC Final 2003, 18/11/03
Make your way down to the boathouse at 09:00 this coming Saturday, 22nd and watch Australia v England in this year's rugby world cup final with the rest of the boys. BBLRC will be supplying breakfast for a very modest fee. You know it makes sense.
Note that some actual rowing may occur afterwards so bring some kit.
Xmas Ball, 16/11/03
Barnes Bridge Ladies will be holding their traditional Xmas Ball on Saturday 13th December at Canning House, Belgrave Square. Tickets can be obtained from any BBLRC committee member (they're the ones with the confused looks on their faces). Full details here.
Watch this space for Waddle details.
BIRC 2003, 16/11/03
This year's British Indoor Rowing Championships took place yesterday (15th) at the National Indoor Arena, Birmingham.
Three Cygnet's competed and the good news was that two of them achieved personal bests for the gruelling 2k distance.
Nick Wyatt was our sole participant in the incredibly tough men's open event, but sitting quietly back in row E he pulled a very respectable 6:32.3 to come 55/130.
Slightly more mature oarsmen Steve Keating and Mike Collier were both entered in the 30-34 heavyweight event. Because of Steve's fictional boxing background and aspirational time he found himself in row A, plugged into the main race computer with his time and splits up on a huge screen for all to see. Luckily Mike was placed in row B which while technically wired up to race computers included the 2nd tier of oarsmen so (thankfully) less attention was paid to him. Steve's PB of 6:27.5 placed him 8/68 and Mike's 6:32.9 put him 13/68.
Well done to all three boys. Lots more details can be found here and I hope to have some snaps soon.
Try Before You Buy, 06/11/03
Fancy a Cygnet? Not sure if you'll enjoy him in the sack? No problem.
Simply give Mr Collier £25, come to circuits and watch your man do press-ups. If you like what you see then for another £25 you can take him there and then.
Sheen, 03/10/03
It was with great delight that whilst trawling the bird's web site this morning I noticed they maintain a WHOLE PAGE devoted to cleaning their changing room. Should you desire you can even email the housekeeper@bblrc.co.uk to ask for polishing advice.
Amongst other things ths page immediately dispels that old Cygnet myth. The girls aren't in there flicking each other playfully with their towels, nor are they mutually soaping or accidentally brushing against each other whilst covered in a sheen of warm water and perspiration [ahem - ed.].
No, they appear to be sweeping, mopping the shower, emptying the bins, tidying wellies, collecting water bottles and administering a sophisticated just in time supply ordering system.
In contrast last week's Cygnet organised boathouse tidy ended up with Collier and Leffler standing in the changing rooms, looking around and stating "it looks OK to me, let's go to the pub".
Men ARE from Mars!
Note to Self Too, 02/10/03
When attending the Tuesday night ergo it is important to remember to take a one-piece otherwise your clothing options are limited to (a) borrowing Golda-man's, or (b) performing said test in your pants.
An easy choice for most, I hope?
Note to Self, 29/09/03
When taking out an eight for the inaugural paddle of the season it is important whilst checking it over prior to boating to ensure that the two halves are securely fastened together otherwise you will ship water at an alarming rate and may well sink.
Water Sports, 21/07/03
A very well attended BBLRC beach party last Saturday saw members of both clubs subjecting themselves to various physical water-based challenges. Both the ladies' captain and our very own VC responded with gusto to requests for a show and each performed feats rarely seen beyond the sea lion show at SeaWorld. Shamu himself would have been proud as Chris launched himself and a large pink lilo up the water slide and into the (raspberry) jelly pool beyond.
As we all know things can look a little different in the cold, harsh light of day and arriving at the club the next morning to find a sadly drip, drip, dripping hose, several gallons of jelly on the grass and a drink sozzled and comatose coach on the couch made me very glad that I had snuck away before the "singing" began (around 04:00 by all accounts).
Well done to all at both clubs who mucked in and made this such a memorable event (for those that can remember it).
Geek, 12/07/03
You'll all be pleased to hear that normal service has been resumed and that your editor's system has been enhanced with a Samsung SyncMaster 320TFT flatscreen monitor powered by an Asus GeForce4 MX440 8x V9180 Magic graphics card. Not only that but things are now powered by SuSE Linux 8.2 Professional.
Very exciting, I'm sure you will agree.
Six weeks after winning their novice pots, 3 of Cygnet's newest senior oarsmen (plus the dodgy VC) entered the Cygnet history books yet again.
After two appalling mid-week outings, with the crew
changing positions AND boats, the idea of actually achieving something at
Senior 3 level wasn't even considered and consequently the atmosphere was very
relaxed [suicidal - ed.] for the 09:10 heat. The only thought entering the oarsmen's heads was what to do between de-rigging their boat and the bar opening at 11:00.
The Cygnet Powerhouse's next victims were Wolfson College, Oxford who simply couldn't believe that Cygnet had beaten them in a very tight race and their was evidence of some scowling in the boating area.
Guildford were next. They managed a bye for round one and a row-over for the second round but despite their freshness, allowing them to flirt briefly with the lead through the middle of the race, their lack of battle hardiness showed toward the end and they were hunted down and passed in the last quarter.
The final provided great entertainment to all. After some friendly banter with the opposition during boating and again on the start line, our heroic four-plus rowed through a very large Thames crew (to the big surprise of the Cygnet members present, the Thames crew and the regatta commentator - who's incredulous commentary "...and yes, I think Cygnet are rowing through Thames..." pretty much summed things up).
Well done to (from bow) Nick Wyatt, Simon Grace, Chris Davidson, Neil Pickford and Marjorie Israel (cox).
After the race a Thames crewman was spotted estimating the Cygnet crew's fitness levels before asking outright "you boys got us on fitness, what are your ergs scores? We were rowing balls out, and you just went straight past us?" Like the rest of the Cygnet he thought that Mr Davidson's score of 7:25 for his last 2K was most (un)impressive.
Nice pots too!
Brit Update, 18/06/03
With a staggering sub 6:30 average for 2k our Brit 4 are pleased with the overall improvement to their fitness, however...
Poor Simon is now spending 15 minutes before every outing staring at himself in the mirror. He has taken the news that his arse only just fits in an Empacher very hard indeed.
Sad, lonely Steve spends most of his time sitting hunched over scraps of paper, moistening an old Argos biro on his tongue, as he tries and tries to resolve the logistics of getting the trailer to two places at once.
Agitated Mike has foresworn booze until after Henley and as a result is fractious and should not be approached.
Swotty Dave can be found most evenings in the tank where he is practising his plop. Sadly this has nothing to do with rowing technique. All the training has addled his feeble brain and poor, poor Dave is just shitting in the water.
Bron remains upbeat, verging on the hysterical.
Henley is Coming, 18/06/03
Need to know about Henley week? Just ask the Rabbit about The Royal
Bash & Crash (Peterborough Spring), 05/06/03
From our roving (punchy) reporter...
Having donned his lurvemeister hat, your editor delegated journalistic responsibility to whatever fool would listen to him. Saturday night was a combination of carnival and carnage, with several top prizes awarded for outstanding performance.
Campfire heaven
The "Top Nosh" Award goes to Simon Grace, who produced a Michelin-star quality BBQ. Accompanied by entertaining camp side banter, the fire burnt long into the night, no doubt to the annoyance of several people trying to sleep. Many thanks to BBLRC who bought all the food, whilst lazy Cygnets were ummm in the bar.
Never, Ever Trust a Frenchman
Award for "Most Boisterous Performance" goes to the Frenchman. A combination of pushing people over railings, goading the usually laid-back Cygnet Captain into aggression [shame he can't manage that in a race, eh?], and a virtuoso display of industrial belching would have been enough to win this award. However, the truly, truly awful Enrique Inglesias impersonation trying to impress our Goddess of a coach left bats licking the blood from their own ears. Most inspirational.
Pick on someone your own size
The award for "Beating Up on Small Boys" goes to another Cygnet, too ashamed to have his name in print. Although said "boy" was 6'4" and in the engine room of the University of Birmingham 1st VIII, it was deemed most cowardly to pick on him, even if he was really quite up for a spot of rough and tumble. Our Cygnet's only defence was that the nipper was wearing his underpants on his head. However, lines such as "Does your momma know you're out?" and "When you grow some pubes, give me a call" were deemed most unhelpful. Shame on you.
Low-life
The Yogi Bear Prize for "Innovative Theft" is as yet unclaimed. Several eyewitness reports describe a hairy Sasquatch-like beast smelling of beer foraging around the campsite, poking its nose into other people's provisions. We suspect the French as several Jelly Babies remain unaccounted for.
Just Plain Dumb
The Victor Ludorum, however, goes to De Montford University (DMU) not just for winning several elite categories, but also for doing so in such a short space of time. Their coach is to be congratulated for their stamina and lactate management ability. As part of the usual post-disco entertainment, a very naked DMU coxed IV rowed majestically past the finish line to loud cheers. Unfortunately they carried on rowing.
Events were won in the following categories...
The Beethoven Trophy for "Aural Awareness" The Mariners Award for Unnecessary Beaching The Monty Python "You Lucky B*stards" Award The Dave Prowse/Green Cross Code Medallion for "Safe Driving" The Jeffrey Archer "Best Alibi" Award The "Most Ungrateful Bunch of Tossers" Award Zee Met, 28/05/03
The Met came and went in a bit of a blur for the aspiring senior 3 eight. No sooner had they put the riggers onto the MAG than they were taking them off and heading towards the refreshments. But what refreshments - home made bacon and egg rolls with brown sauce, a Carte D'Or ice cream van and lashings of pop [AKA beer - ed.].
For most of them [us - ed.] it was the first experience of sober multi-lane racing (we're usually pissed or hung over at Peterborough) and the bonus of Dorney Lake being a recently completed 2,000 metres (up from 1,500) just added to the party atmosphere.
Sadly the boys went out in the heat, coming fifth. On the plus side they beat arch local rivals Putney Town and DIDN'T COME LAST (very important). Obviously calling them arch local rivals is pushing it a bit but you know what I mean.
As you can see from the timings (taken at 500 metre intervals - isn't that professional) we actually flirted with 4th for a while but lost it in the last 500 when we entered "row-faster-by-flailing" mode. Any Cygnet crew can be made to enter this mode. Simply tell them that there are only "n" metres to go (where "n" is any positive integer greater than 10).
The "talented" senior 2 pair (stroke and seven in the eight) then rested before their heat later in the morning (while the others refreshed).
As with the eight, the pair DIDN'T COME LAST and as this was only there 3rd outing together we think they did OK. Apparently it was a bit down on bow side - imagine.
Having returned to the boathouse [some of us in open-topped roadsters - ed.] and re-rigged the boats some oarsmen briefly pondered that old imponderable "beer or exercise". Later that same day your editor got in serious trouble for having too much fun. He couldn't believe it.
Full results can be found here.
Peterborough Spring Draw, 27/05/03
Can be found here.
Pictures, 19/05/03
Sunday saw subdued small boat outings followed by the official club photographs and a celebration BBQ.
Shots were taken of Cygnet, BBLRC and (alarmingly) the clubs combined. With active oarsmen in kit and senior members in blazers or dresses (as appropriate) everybody looked very smart and I'm sure the photos will look great in the clubroom for many years to come.
The Cygnet members watched the BBLRC photo "unfold" with great interest. The day was inclement with a slight chill in the air and the lads observed in bewitched wonderment as (what seemed like) hundreds of ladies nipples slowly revealed themselves. Jokes ranged from the humourous "I was looking for somewhere to hang my hat" to the amusing "you could get Radio 4 on those" and we even heard rumours that a spontaneous "Top Five Tits" poll was taken but have been unable to confirm this.
[Shame on you all - ed.]
The BBLRC catering corps did everyone proud, with Helen "knocking up" fruit crumble for 30 and a spectacular selection of salads and sauces appearing as if by magic. As always Cygnet was heavily involved. The men put up the gazebo and burnt the sausages.
Putney Town Ocean Rowing, 17/05/03
What a few days for Cygnet's newest senior oarsmen. It all began with an intensive technical coaching session with Mr. Rowitt last Thursday night that instilled not only that elusive double-plop but also a strong sense of self-belief, and ended with fuzzy heads hitting feather pillows on Saturday night as the newest recipients of novice pewter at Cygnet crawled into bed. I'm sure that stories of Simon leaping up in bed shouting "I am the Champion", "Who's the Daddy", "Say my Name" and then promptly passing out are greatly exaggerated, and that (actually) he was able to make love like a stallion 8 times as he claimed on Sunday morning in the men's changing rooms.
Well done to (from bow) Simon Grace, Neil Pickford, Nick Wyatt, Al Taylor and Marjorie Israel (cox) for winning against tough opposition in (frankly) appalling conditions. Tastes sweet, doesn't it boys.
Elsewhere in the club things didn't go quite so well, with the senior 3 pair "colliding" with Dulwich College off the start, the senior 2 pair finding the Fulham doldrums and when combined into the Henley (Town & Visitors) coxed four getting beaten by schoolboys in pink.
Anyone got any tape?
Do I Look Like That, 12/05/03
Rob Smith (of Peterborough RC) runs an interesting rowing caricature website, although I suspect even he would have his hands full drawing Mr. Davidson's naked arse as it slithered up their marquee's centre pole.
Click here to take a look.
Away with the Fairies, 11/05/03
Once upon a time a beautiful raven haired princess was out wandering the banks of the Thames. It was a beautiful day. The frogs were croaking (literally mind, it IS the Thames...) and the swans were, well, swanning. The fair princess floated towards a magnificent looking building, filled with fine young men. However she kept walking past TTRC and came across Cygnet, a club filled with, well, men, technically speaking.
The Cygnet men fell upon the princess and pleaded with her to examine their stroke and their timing. She agreed and so began a most intriguing experience.
The princess' first crew was amazing - fortunately it contained some of the better-looking and more educated members of Cygnet and 2 technically perfect rowers (slaves from a country of "superior" rowing quality). The princess spent many hours upon the waves of the Thames, pouring all her effort into making these oarsmen the finest that Cygnet had to offer. Sadly a volumed convict from Australia had escaped the island, presenting a special challenge for the princess.
After much toil, the princess had them ready for the HoRR. The race went well but the young men of the club conspired against the princess and poisoned her with honey words and cloudy ale. Innocently missing her last train home a kind, betrothed member of the crew gathered herplus another slightly smaller and louder fair maiden and a Cygnet fool and rested them on 10 mattresses of feather (for it felt like that the state they were in).
The princess was soon grabbed from this crew by the evil king of Cygnet and put to work examining what the others called, the "Henley 4". The princess was soon to realise her fate. Of the four young-ish [yeah, right - ed.] men, one a raving youth with mind-boggling start-sequences, one a grim ale-tender, another a not-so-undercover reporter and the other the evil leader himself. While the men tied her feet to the launch and strapped the loud-hailer to her hand, the princess struggled against the odds to turn these 4 stragglers into a crew that would not be laughed off the course.
One sunny day at Chiswick, the princess had her chance. The 4 men who had quickly learned to worship her due to her humour, charm and outstanding observational abilities (technique, not the men themselves, ahem), pulled their lycra one-pieces over their bellies (yes, including the raving youth), lifted the smooth white hull into the crystal waters of the Thames and fired down the course. With only a whisker to spare, they fluked their way into the final (well, one crew scratched) and miraculously won their race. The smiling evil king and his raving youth had another go on their own, just to prove their manliness and again, won. This pleased the princess so much that she agreed to keep coming down to watch the men, erm, rowers again.
As long as they keep winning and buying the princess the odd ale, they will all live happily...ever...after.
The end.
Opening Forays, 06/05/03
The cattle are lowing the Captain awakes, Yes it's that time of year again, when the thoughts of all aspiring/perspiring Cygnet oarsmen turns to starts, pushes, rates and all manner of other technicalities, the 2003 Regatta season is upon us. Cygnet and BBLRC combined to enter a vast array of boats, oarsmen, oarswomen and coxes in the clubs best attended opening Regatta for many years. Boats were entered in all sizes from singles to eights and all categories from novice to senior 2 and (encouragingly) all proved competitive with most boats making their respective finals and the senior 2 pair (from bow French/Keating) and senior 3 coxed four (from bow Grimshaw/Collier/French/Keating/Davis-Cook) winning their events.
The day started on a high with the S34+ winning their opening heat against Orion BC. Orion made a tough race of it by going slightly ahead off the start, but the boys kept their heads and using the fitness they have been building up over the winter season they gradually pulled ahead. Medium Mike was able to keep his tummy sucked in for the first 800 metres of the 1,100 metre course, but vanity gave way to exhaustion over the final 300 metres as Orion tried their best to claw back the advantage. On crossing the line Grim reported being "a bit puffed".
The S48+ raced 40 minutes later. Sadly they didn't win their straight final against HSBC but all were encouraged by the late surge that enabled them to steam back to within half a length at the line. More aggression at the start would have seen them easy winners. Some of us felt that Chris Davidson lost a little concentration before the start when an eight consisting of young women in black lycra slunk past. It required some of the more sensible heads to point out that they were actually 14 year-old schoolgirls.
In a flurry of fours racing the novice coxed four had an exciting time of it against MAABC who steered a very "aggressive" line causing blades to clash and crabs to be caught (on their part). The canny Cygnet crew's tendency to grip their blades in abject terror stood them in good stead, were able to take advantage and row through to win easily. For some of them it was their first race for Cygnet and it was one they won't forget.
An afternoon of b&b (beer and bullshit) started when those who had already raced, weren't racing and were already too pissed to race gathered on the Quintin balcony to cheer on the remaining crews and pass critical judgement on other clubs oarsmanship. Quite a few drinks were consumed and quite a lot of crap was talked but it ended, as all good fairy stories do, happily in a curry-house in Barnes.
Roll on Hammersmith.
Droppings, 02/05/03
It's not often that I copy, but this was in the May 2003 Regatta and made me smile. For those not in the know, the captain of Putney Town RC writes a regular "Captain's Column" for the magazine. Here he deals with the tricky issue of dropping oarsmen, and I quote...
Dealing with the men is a relatively simple conversation, "look my Granny can make the boat go faster than you, you're dropped" - to which the reply (roughly translated) is "fair enough, I respect your decision and the grounds on which it was made, I'll go back and train harder earning my seat back in the boat".
With the women's squad however, a far more tactical approach has to be taken as any attempt to change crews is seen as a slanderous assault on their character and popularity. I have found that the safest way is to leave decisions to the women's captain, adding my support visually by nodding dementedly behind her when the crews are read out.
Boozy, 25/04/03
Members of Cygnet from Olden Times would have turned in their graves if they had witnessed the spectacle which greeted your impartial editor as he strolled into the club for a refreshing Tizer after ripping his hands to shreds with the new blades during a peace [like a piece only slower - ed.] from Quintin to the Petrol Pumps. For there he found a bar full of Cygnets, the vast majority of who were drinking (wait for it) LAGER.
Real oarsmen drink BITTER, surely? We are, after all, Only Here For The Beer.
DAW, 10/04/03
What a loser! Medium Mike Collier is pleased to announce his recent elevation to the Concept2 Five Million Metre Club. He joined the One Million club in February 1998 and has been slogging away without actually going anywhere since then. Next stop 10,000,000?
Details of all the Concept2 Distance Award Schemes can be found here. They should only be attempted if you are a huge anal retentive.
A Question of Taste, 02/04/03
All who read about it yesterday morning were saddened to hear that Neil Pickford had come off his bicycle and broken his arm. Indeed nobody was more upset than our ever-pragmatic Captain who promptly re-selected the crews to be entered for Cygnet's opening foray, Chiswick Regatta.
A shame for poor Neil, who we discovered a few hours later was only playing an April Fool.
Whatever happened to the spaghetti trees and the lirpa loof? Those were the days.
The recently formed WLF (Wellington Liberation Front) made it's first tactical strike on Saturday 29th March 2003. After an initial recce, forces entered the Ladies' boot room at about 16:00 hours and liberated six pairs of size 11+ wellingtons which had been held in captivity for several months.
Although looking a little emaciated all pairs report having been treated reasonably well but were looking forward to feeling properly full again.
Phew 1, 26/03/03
Imagine the look of horror on Medium Mike's face as he arrived at the boathouse last night only to be informed that the evening outing had been cancelled in favour of a weights circuit and his first station was pull-ups. Fortunately it was all a BIG JOKE. Phew!
Phew 2, 26/03/03
The piece of paper has been found and the ergo scores are up. Phew!
Saturday's Ergo Tests, 23/03/03
Sadly the bit of paper with last Saturday's ergo test results disappeared from the men's changing area on Saturday morning. Whilst your editor does appreciate that they were a bit of a washout what with illness and general lethargy several people did actually complete them. I currently only have times up for Mike Collier and Dave Wright. Can anyone else who did one let me know how they did for the record.
Happy Anniversary, 21/03/03
Apparently it's exactly one year since Mr. Chris Davidson (VC with Nut Cluster) and Mr. Neil Pickford joined our unassuming little rowing club. With that in mind this small pome was penned by our resident poet lorry-ette...
It's a year since the Oz and the Pom, While this isn't a bad effort your editor can't help but feel that it is a little, well, benign. If anybody thinks they can do better then send your attempt to the usual place.
Hammersmith, 19/03/03
From where I sit under my rock I don't get much of an impression of how the captaincy thought we all did in last Sunday's Hammersmith Head. Some good, some bad I guess. For anyone who's interested the results can be found here.
Drawers, 10/03/03
I see that that draw for the HoRR is now up on its official website. With a race start time of 2pm I would estimate that our second VIII will be off sometime the following Tuesday. Don't forget to pack warm jammies boys!
Dunking, 10/03/03
Picture the scene. You're a handsome, experienced male oarsman at the height of your physical and mental capacity. You're just returning from coaching a boat full of sexy women, one of whom will definitely sleep with you but, to be honest, you could have your pick. The girls are still panting from the exhertions to which you have driven them, but you can tell from the way they are looking at you that they have an appetite for more. And what do you do?
You get your feet tangled in a rope and fall head first into the river. And who are you?
You're our Captain.
Sandwich Anyone, 04/03/03
Your editor was delighted to hear that BBLRC made over £2,000 last year through sandwich sales alone, a selection of which were on offer at their Annual General Meeting held last Sunday at the Boathouse. One can't help but wonder how they would fare if they gave up that nasty, sweaty rowing business and started catering (with a sideline in coxing) full-time? I'd certainly enjoy a moist tongue sandwich if it was offered to me by a Barnes Bridge Lady.
I Gee 'Em, 24/02/03
Sunday's AGM was well attended by both active and older members and (happily) lacked a lot of the should we/shouldn't we merge activism of last year's meeting. Infact feelings were running so high that your sneaky blogmaster managed to secrete herself onto the committee under the banner of "wanting to do good works for the club". Yeah, right.
As always the AGM was an unmissable opportunity for the bar steward to sell his out-of-date stock at inflated prices. I myself enjoyed two packets of stale crisps for just over a fiver.
The Honourable Treasurer was on particularly fine form, and (as always) merits a quote or four. I particularly enjoyed, with regard to Chairman Wylie's failure to read his own writing due to flagging eyesight, "hold the page well away from you, sometimes you can get the shape of the words." Also fun was his comment on why posting important notices in the boathouse was a bad idea at the moment - "it's too f*****g dark to read them." Whilst eulogising on the quality of a recent thermal engineer's report on insulation at the bungalow "the problem wasn't so much keeping the heat in as keeping the cold out." He concluded his pontifications with my personal favourite - "everyone in this meeting is mortal - except me!" What a thought.
The subsequent Boathouse Executive AGM saw Mr. Cox installed as chair and Mr. Leffler as Secretary. We're not sure if outgoing chairman Dave "My Spies Are Everywhere" Gledhill had been notified of this coup d'etat, but feel confident that work will now start on those long overdue eye-level aireation holes into the ladies changing room. My drill is always lubricated and ready for action.
Oh yes, and some 'lectric would be nice!
ErgoRugbyDinnerParty, 17/02/03
Last Saturday saw an incredibly full day of activities down at you favourite "small, friendly" rowing club. Exercise started early with a sharpening 5k test for those man enough to do it (or set their clock-radios). Showers were available for selected men at the BBLRC lady webmistresses' (complete with ungeants and a brisk complimentary towelling). An afternoon of sporting endeavour was viewed from the safety of the White Hart. Dinner was provided by La Strada, a dark and grotto-like replacement for Cafe Uno (not bad but no breakfasts!). Finally drinks and ample cleavage were the order of the day at the Imperial on the Kings Road, a short-notice replacement for the BBLRC Valentines party which had to be cancelled due to a shortage of power at the boathouse [during the 5k tests? - ed].
Thanks to Michelle's quick thinking a great time was had by all. Apparently Mr. Wright bought a round (that'll obviously need independent confirmation) and TPC didn't pull (again).
Hawaii Five-Oh, 12/02/03
A very special half-century was achieved on Saturday, February 8, when the
Cygnet ex-Captain of Vice had his 50th birthday. To celebrate, this Grand
Old Man thought he was going to have a cosy dinner with a few close friends.
However, past and present Cygnets and BBLadies Damo and Tan, Simon Keogh,
Robin and Isobel, Angus, Kate, Brita and Tony, Elizabeth, Carolyn, and Steve
and Nathalie, along with THE GORGIOUS EDDY, plus some other non-rowers (how
did they get in?) had other plans and surprised Mr Keogh by
"coincidentally" turning up at a rather trendy establishment in Soho. It was
only when Kevin entered the private room that he finally twigged. Telegrams
(well - e-mails cunningly worded like telegrams) and phone calls from those
who couldn¹t make it arrived or were read out at the start of the meal.
As a token of everyone's esteem, Kevin was then presented with a
silver-plated set comprising champagne bucket, goblets and (an essential for
the man who has nearly everything) champagne bottle-opener. Clare Farrar (a
non-rower) made a very special gift: a hand-crafted dinosaur from the
Natural History Museum, lovingly embellished with a ribbon in a bow around
its neck. This was particularly hilarious, and not hurtful at all, because
Clare is about 12 and we were only grateful that they let her into the bar
without having to produce ID. Angus also made an individual contribution - a
rowing-related gadget that he said would enable Kevin to "tighten his nuts".
Just before the waiters brought out the first course, Kate made a speech.
Then Kevin made a speech. Simon Keogh said that he also would like to say
just a few words, and was shouted down. Then Kevin made another speech.
Then, thankfully, the food arrived. The rest of the evening was spent
getting everyone absolutely trolleyed - excellent stuff, Kevin was so
overwhelmed, he spent the last hour of it asleep.
A lot of thanks go to everyone who helped make the evening, including Marj,
Alan and Sue, Bowmer, Dargers, the Keating brothers, Danielle and Greg, and
Dominic for their contributions. Cheers cheers!
Sopping, 07/02/03
All will be pleased to hear that Reuters have kindly relocated your webmaster to an office which is only a 15 minute walk from the dank rock he calls home. As well as being able to spend longer on this website (hooray) he has also discovered (en route) a branch of Starbucks which acts as a front for the "Russian Bride" industry. Having ordered his usual (Extra Wet Grande Latte) he proceeded to wait by the delivery shelf. Imagine his surprise when the peroxide blonde barrista whispered, in a thick Vladivostok brogue "I make ze best vet drinks in London" as she delivered his warming beverage viz a vink.
He will be going to Costa from now on.
He's a Cracker, 07/02/03
Using his massive brain and leveraging his enormous IT skill-set your editor has managed to crack his way into the BBLRC 5k ergo test spreadsheet (such pretty blue graphs). If you would like to know how the rowing bird you fancy "performed" then all you need to do is buy the webmaster a beer. If you add a vodka chaser he will improve her score by 6 seconds!
Secret's Out, 01/02/03
Eureka - I have it. For those of you wondering what's the "secret" in McDonalds secret sauce, we at Blog2003 have the answer. Simply take one pot of Ben & Jerry's vanilla (like it aughta' be) ice cream and a chilled glass of Waitrose vouvray white wine (£6.99 from Canary Wharf). First take a generous gulp of the wine and then cram a large spoonfull of ice cream into your mouth. Gargle and wait...viola!
Couch, 20/01/03
Apparently your favourite high-performance drinking club is looking for a semi-professional couch to help underperforming aspiring oarsmen fulfil their imbiblical potential. A three seater with some experience is preferred as it will fit nicely within the existing boathouse structure (opposite the telly).
It was a couch we were looking for, right?
The Sound of Silence, 16/01/03
Apparently our little Aussie VC is away and as a consequence Mr Neil Pickford (the sexy one with the nice legs) is looking for applicants for the job of Bestest Friend. Aspiring Bestest Friends should be (as a minimum) (a) overenthusiastic; (b) sexually frustrated; (c) shameless. POA.
Bungalow Floods, 14/01/03
The Cygnet Bungalow ("Cygnets") escapes flood (for now). The club's web (footed) friends might be interested in pictures of the river around the bungalow here. Ronnie Lamb reports that the bungalow itself has escaped the flood (now receding) by inches, although most of the land of Hamhaugh Island was covered.
Richmond Regatta Update, 28/06/03
Then they won the first round fairly easily, after which Mr Pickford informed Ms Israel that he "really did not want to do that all over again". Unfortunately the fact that he had managed to stroke Cygnet to the finish line first meant he had to do exactly that - potentially three more times.
The statistics:
1250m course, staggered start...
Heat 1 Cygnet (Surrey) beat Twickenham A (Middx) 4:47 1 ¼ lengths
Heat 2 Cygnet (Surrey) beat Wolfson College (Middx) 4:35 1 ½ lengths
Semi-Final Cygnet (Surrey) beat Guildford (Middx) 5:05 1 length (against the tide)
Final Cygnet (Middlesex) beat Thames (Surrey) 4:15 2 ¼ lengths
Several loud cries of "STOP" and "HOLD IT UP" were spectacularly ignored. The crew continued a rather elegant and worryingly powerful series of strokes directly towards the concrete slipway.
Congratulations to their cox for a textbook mounting. Several on-looking stallions were very jealous.
Fortunately no-one was injured, the boat breaking in the middle rather than at the bow.
A stander-by reported that the "cox was half asleep". A breathalyser was unavailable for comment.
One of the crew couldn't even remember being in the boat.
A number of Cygnets helped take the boat out of the water, getting soaked in the process, only to be told to f**k off afterwards. BBLRC's own Captain was given explicit directions to where she could go, all for the crime of ummm...standing out of the way. Really, students can be most vulgar. Perhaps beating up on them isn't such a crime after all.
1 Univ of West of England RC 01:31.45 03:08.86 04:48.63 06:27.20
2 Imperial College BC 01:32.53 03:10.05 04:49.03 06:27.41
3 Magdalene College BC 01:33.65 03:11.17 04:50.92 06:28.89
4 Southampton University BC (B) 01:35.31 03:16.90 04:59.51 06:42.10
5 Cygnet RC 01:37.05 03:16.39 05:00.40 06:46.90
6 Putney Town RC 01:36.10 03:18.78 05:05.64 06:52.04
1 University of London BC 01:41.30 03:31.13 05:23.34 07:17.82
2 Lady Victoria BC (B) 01:45.89 03:37.77 05:29.48 07:21.99
3 London RC (A) 01:48.06 03:41.51 05:35.66 07:29.97
4 Cygnet RC 01:50.35 03:44.74 05:41.44 07:37.77
5 Aberdeen BC (A) 01:49.03 03:45.27 05:43.45 07:39.61
but tumescent Steve Keating no advances he makes.
There's more on his mind than a quick game of "snakes",
it's Chiswick Regatta a lot is at stake.
The WLF, 30/03/03
Said "Hi,'you been rowing here long?"
They flapped in the tub,
Then went to the pub,
Why on earth did we let them go on?